5 Basic Needs of a Christian Husband
A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five
basic marital needs:
1. His need for admiration and respect. The wife understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anything else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. She is proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 22:23,33)
2. His need for sexual fulfillment. The wife becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable. (Proverbs 5:15 29, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Cor. 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)
3. His need for home support. The wife creates a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13,19:13, 21:9,19, 25:24)
4. His need for her attractiveness. The wife is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ-like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that her husband finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband is pleased and . proud of her in public, and also in private. (Song of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 6:13, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)
5. His need for a life companion. She develops mutual interests with her husband. She discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they can enjoy together. She becomes her husband’s best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Song of Solomon 8:1-2,6)
7 Basic Needs of a Christian Wife
A husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her seven basic marital needs:
1. Her need for a spiritual leader. The husband is a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. He takes the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for the family. He becomes a capable and competent student of God’s Word and lives out before all a life founded on the Word of God. He leads his wife in becoming a woman of God, and he takes the lead in training the children in the things of the Lord. (Psalm1, Ephesians 5:23-27)
2. Her need to personal affirmation/appreciation. The husband praises her for personal attributes and qualities. He extols her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He openly commends her, in the presence of others, as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She feels that to him, no one is more important in this world. (Proverbs 31:28-29, Song of Solomon 4:1-7,6:4-9, 7:1-9)
3. Her need for personal affection (romance). The husband showers her with timely and generous displays of affection. He also tells her how much he cares for her with a steadfast flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. (Song of Solomon 6:10, 13, Ephesians 5:28-29,33)
4. Her need for intimate conversation. The husband talks with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). He listens to her thoughts (aka… her heart) about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Conversations with her convey a desire to understand her, not to change her. (Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 8:13-14, I Peter 3:7)
5. Her need for honesty and openness. The husband looks into her eyes and, in love, tells her what he really thinks (Ephesians 4:15). He explains his plans and actions clearly and completely because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. (Proverbs 15:22-23)
6. Her need for home support and stability. The husband firmly shoulders the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. He provides and protects, and he does not feel sorry for himself when things get tough. Instead he looks for concrete ways to improve home life. He desires to raise their marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember: The husband/father is the security hub of the family. (I Timothy 5:8)
7. Her need for family commitment. The husband puts his family first. He commits his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the children. He prays with them (especially at night by the bedside), he reads to them, he engages in sports with them, and takes them on other outings. He does not play the trap game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while children and spouse languish in neglect. (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:19-20)
God Bless – A Note From The Counselor’s Corner,
Dalton Kornegay, PhD
